Running in the rain

I think the conversation went something like this.

Me: I'm going for a run.

Jeff: That's stupid. 

It may have been stupid but my shoes were laced and I was determined to get out on the road and leave my worries behind.

After not running since the Indy half on May 4th, I needed to stretch my legs, to test my knee and just enjoy the pounding of my feet on the pavement. In the month of April, I ran a whole whopping 16 miles because I started experiencing runners knee more and more. I almost walked the Indy half but instead I visited my dear doctor friend and his PT department taped my knee. As a result, I finished the half with a personal best! Not bad for a lazy slough who barely trained for the event. 

After the half, I tried to go for a short recovery run but my calves were so tight from all of the cramping I could barely run 2 miles. I started a new job as a Les Mills Club Coach and work began to take over my available time. I wake up at 5:45 and shower, work, teach a class, work some more, teach another class, chase my kids around Central Illinois and then come home and work some more. 

Finally after a long boring weekend of rained out softball games, I decided to get back on the road again on monday. I wanted to build my base slowly and only ran 3 miles. Since my knee was taped, the run felt good, rejuvenating. A nice release from the weekend's stalled plans. 

Tonight after teaching my 2nd BodyFlow class of the day, I decided it was time for another short run. I could see the storm clouds rolling in but it didn't matter.  Nothing was going to stop me. I stepped out on the road, heard the thunder and I smiled. Nothing soothes the soul more than a thunderstorm and I loved the idea of running through one. The rain poured down on me and in a matter of seconds I was soaked all the way through. At a little over a mile, I saw this van slowly approaching me. Alarm bells went off. 

Jeff rolled down the can window: "Are you doing ok?" I may be stupid, but he still loves me. He came out to see if I changed my mind and wanted a ride back home. Nope. I just wanted to get two short miles in and I was already soaked. I figured I might as well go with it. 

My clothes were completely soaked as well as my shoes but the job was done. The clouds may have been gray, but my spirit was lifted. 

And I came home and found this on Facebook. It seemed to fit my mood and my reasons to run to a tee.

A New Perspective

During day 1 of traveling home, 14 hours of pure joy let me tell you, I decided to go through my “Notes” app on my phone and clean up old notes I’ve left for myself. It’s amazing what you can find when you look through a couple of years of memories.

I found old messages with data about treadmill runs, notes from podcasts, body measurements and most interesting of all was my “ARC” card from when I read Dr. Judith Beck’s “Beck Diet Solution”. Dr. Beck is a cognitive behavioral therapist who has a number of suggestions or steps to follow to change your cognitive responses to food and your food behaviors. I found her book interesting and decided to implement some of her suggestions.

One suggestion was to create a “Advantages Response Card” (ARC) in order to help you stay motivated  and stick to your diet. I created my first ARC after my mom passed away in 2004. I was determined not to follow in her footsteps and find my way to an early grave due to complications of diabetes, which I didn’t think I had to worry about until my 60s or so. Yes, let’s laugh now. In the fall of 2011, I was planning my 2012 race season. I knew in order to be at my best I needed to lose a few more pounds so I went back to Dr. Beck’s Diet Solution and updated my ARC.  While I had 14 reasons why I wanted to lose weight and get in shape, the one that struck me the most this weekend was #10:

I may not do it, but I would like to feel as if I could wear a bikini.

When I wrote that in October of 2011, I never thought it would become a reality. In January 2012, I registered for IMLOU and began the long months of training. In June 2012, we went to Vero Beach, FL with Jeff’s entire family.  My suitcase was packed with 2 new tankini bathing suits I had purchased from Athleta. When we got home from vacation, my darling husband said, “You know you really could have worn a bikini.” I thought how sweet of you, dear, but no. These abs are never going to see the light of day again.

By the time IMLOU rolled around, I was down to my college weight, the weight when I thought I was in the best shape of my life and I still could not imagine wearing a bikini.

When I was in high school, I owned a bikini - one. I wore it rarely, and only at a friend’s private pool. Seriously. At the age of 17? 18? What did I have to be self-conscious about? Absolutely nothing. I had a serious lack of understanding of my own body as well as self esteem issues which most teenage girls go through, only at the time I did not realize that every teenage girl felt the same way that I did. Even though I was young and in good shape, I still did not feel I could compare myself to the models we all see in magazines. You know…the 108 pound waif of a woman-child who could be blown away in the wind.

In comparison, I was about 130 pounds with shoulders like a linebacker and calves the size of Mt. Everest, at least in my mind. In my youth, my strength and athleticism was something I had to learn to control. My strong body was something I needed to hide.

Fast forward through the years of marriage and giving birth to three children via c-section and suddenly now I had a reason to say I’d never wear a bikini again. When I was pregnant with our 2^nd child, I had a dear friend come over and ask if her teenage daughter could feel my belly. I believe the quote was “The skin is tight. It’s like a balloon and if you touch it, it will pop.” Yes, giving birth to a 10 pound 9 ounce baby will definitely stretch the skin as it’s never been stretched before. Between the road map of stretch marks and c-section scars which create a fold in the abdominal skin, I was convinced you would never see me in a bikini again.

And then as vacation approached, I started to consider it. I mean why not? I am 44 years, in relatively good shape and I really do feel good in my skin. So, why not? Remember that road map of stretch marks? The skin which was stretched to the max and will never return to a flat state? Those were still two good reasons why I should not wear a bikini.

In good humor, I went bikini shopping. The first few I tried on were quite laughable, actually quite horrifying. Note to self, you are not 17 anymore.  The top needs to be the size of the Bermuda triangle to hide all that you’ve got going on up there, you know what I mean? I started to think it was not going to happen. Shopping for a bikini in the junior department does not work for a 44-year old mother of three; however, low and behold, I found a bikini which provided coverage for the major problem areas and still allowed me to feel like I was not trying to relive my teenage years.

Now to find the nerves of steel to wear it on the beach.

But again, why not? For the first time since 2007, we were going on a beach vacation completely by ourselves. No one else had to see my flaws with the exception of my family and you know what? They can just deal with it. I called a family meeting and announced to everyone that there would be no published photos of this momma in her bikini without permission first. I reserved the right to review and delete any and all pictures which may reveal parts of my body I was not quite comfortable with.

Day 1 on the beach, you know what? No one laughed. No one said, “Look at that old hag wearing a bikini. What was she thinking?” OK, so maybe they thought it, but by that time I didn’t really care. My linebacker shoulders? They are defined and sleek. A symbol of my strength and the result of years of tumbling. My Mt. Everest Calves? They are strong muscles which helped push me through 140.6 miles on a hot, humid day in Louisville. My stretch marks? Those are the ones I am most proud of. I have given birth to three wonderful and yet extremely different daughters. They are the road map to the story of my children and their start in life.

You don’t want to see my stretched out skin? Don’t look. I don’t care. Get over it. It’s taken 44 years to get to this point. To realize all of flaws I see in myself are just that. I am not perfect and neither is my body. Those “flaws”, they are just that. Flaws, but they also tell the story of my life, the things that make me ME.

So will you see me flouncing around the Tremont pool in my new bikini? Probably not. But will you see me stand a little taller? Will you see me embrace my “Flaws”? Yes. They are now the things that I am most proud of. All of these things add up to me and I like me. What’s not to like? 

The Meaning of Being Fit

On the way to Florida, I spent some of the incredibly, awesome 22 hours reading ACSM's Resources for the Personal Trainer.

Yes, I know. Snoozeville at times, but I found a couple of topics which really made me think.

Tell me about a time when you felt you were the fittest

That used to be an easy question to answer. I used to say I was in the best shape of my life when I played volleyball at Western Illinois University. That's when my coach, Julie Kartel, emphasized good nutrition and introduced me to weight lifting for athletes. In college, I dated a P.E. major who did triathlons and enjoyed running races, but no, not me. I was not a runner. I didn't want to "train". I just wanted to play volleyball. I ran when Coach Kartel required it of me. I didn't enjoy it. Are you kidding me? Running is painful. I just wanted to play volleyball.

I graduated from college, got a job, got married and had kids. During that time, I struggled through my 30s with my parents' failing health and eventual demise. I swore after my mom died that I was going to get in shape and not follow in her footsteps.

Before I turned 40, I decided I wanted to be Fit, Fabulous & 40. How was I going to achieve that? I decided I wanted to try and do a triathlon. Yah, I know, Mr. P.E. Major. "I'm not a runner. I don't want to do triathlons. I don't want to train." Blah, blah, blah. But I also don't believe in failing. So to prove that I could do it, I had to train. I had to put in the sweat and the hours of work. And, suddenly, before you know it, I'm at the finish line of IMLOU screaming to my family, "I am an Ironman!" Running has not only become a requirement for my training plan, but it's become my therapy time. My time to think about life...or forget about it. My time to solve the world's problems. My time. MY TIME.

So naturally, the answer to my question has changed. I would now say that I am in the best shape of my life. I can swim 2.4 miles, bike 112, and run 26.2 all in less than a single day. I weigh just a few pounds more than I did in college. Of course, some of the body parts look a little different than they did when I was in college, but Hey! I've given birth to three babies. Leave me alone!

Jeff & I at Wyndham Palm-Aire

AND...for the first time truly ever that I can recall I am wearing a bikini. Yes, at the age of 44, I purchased a bikini and I've worn it on vacation ALL WEEK. Mainly, because I will never see these people again, but I am wearing it.

I feel fabulous. I know I am the fittest I have ever been in my life and probably in the best shape I ever will be again. I love the way I feel in my own skin and want everyone around me to feel the same way. So, what is the meaning of FIT to me? The feeling which comes from inside, the feeling which says I am happy with who I am, and where I am in my life. I am FIT, FABULOUS and in my 40s.

BOOYAH!

They're back

Right before leaving on vacation I found myself waking up several times a night. Itching. No, not that kind of itch. My belly. My back. Scratch, scratch, scratch. After applying lotion, I was able to go back to sleep. I just assumed it was dry skin from winter.

The Back of my Leg
Yes, 22 hours in a car is a LONG time

On the way to Florida, I discovered a small patch of hives on the back of my knee. Grrr. I started applying cortisone cream like a mad woman.

Once in Florida, my elbows and forearms started to break out. I'm taking Allegra but I wish I had also brought the Zantac 150 for an extra dose of antihistamines. Cortisone cream is not helping.

I guess I should be thankful that it has not moved to my eyes yet. Guess who will be going to see a dermatologist next week?

Yes, ME. GRRRRR.

Spring Break: Day 1

Every once in a while you get a blessing in life that you don't fully understand until you in the midst of it. We left Friday night to start our vacation and made it to Paducah, KY for our first  night's stay. We were smart. We reserved a room ahead of time and even though Country Inn and Suites' website told us we were getting a 2 bedroom with a pull out coach, we wound up sleeping 3 in a bedroom Friday night because we "that's all we have left". Ahh-huh. Yah. Thanks. 

Because we got the 5 hour jump on our drive, I decided to be nice and not force my family to get up at 5 am. Instead, I woke up at 6 and started showering so we could get moving at a decent time. However, have you ever traveled with 3 daughters, 2 of which are NOT morning people? With the hot breakfast starting at 7 am, getting gas and (ahem) me chasing down a Starbucks but having to be satisfied with Panera, we didn't get on the road until 8 am. OUCH. Oh well. No worries. We're still ahead of the game, right? 

Most of the drive went well. We made one pit stop and I really expected banjos to start playing. The sign for the restroom was scrawled in a Winnie-The-Pooh like handwriting and with the 3 deer head on the walls I knew immediately we were in TN. Having to explain to my 11 year old daughter why your butthole would be bigger if you had to go to prison for shoplifting? PRICELESS. Yes, Tennessee, you still have class. 

The only traffic glitch was an extremely LONG area around Chatanooga for some unknown reason. I think that was during my 2nd nap of the day. When I woke up, I tried to find ways to amuse myself. I rolled down the window to enjoy the balmy 50 degree air. I watched two teenagers walking along the highway make more progress than we were. I took pictures of the back of my knee to show my Facebook friends that my hives have not gone completely away. Annelise let us know she needed a restroom soon to which I responded "Run up that hill and go! We'll still be here when you get done." Apparently, she did not appreciate my sense of humor. 

We started looking for a room around 9 pm. At our first stop, we were told there were no rooms from Belleview all the way to Orlando, FL. Say what? How many hotels does Orland have and there are no rooms? We were convinced someone was lying to us. 

Stop. No vacancy.

Stop. No vacancy. 

I started visualizing us sleeping in the van at a rest stop. Hmmm. If we drove straight through, we'd arrive at Fort Lauderdale about 4 am. Not unreasonable, right? Well, maybe for me who got about 4 naps in during the day, but the idea did not thrill Jeff. 

First drinks of vacation: $17 Ouch

We called Wyndham Bonnet Creek in Orlando and explained that we were owners and looking for a room for the night. Hey, what do you know? They are all booked up! However, they did help us find a room at the Marriott World Center for $244 a night. Price is not an issue when you want a place to put your head for the night. We didn't even quabble when we had to sleep 3 in a bed again. Samantha and Annelise are so lucky they didn't have to participate in the "everyone lay on your left side....ok...roll over...1.2.3." routine for the 2nd night in a row. 

The good news? We only had 3 hours left to drive on Sunday...which means we all agreed to sleep in....if you can. I was awake at 7 am, showered and had my first Skinny Hazelnut Macchiato by 8 am. Of course, my girls didn't move quite as quick and because I was already happy with my caffeine high, I didn't gripe. We'll get to the beach today. That was all that mattered. 

Watermelon Mojito

We arrived at the Wyndham Palm-Aire about 2 pm Eastern. While Jeff checked us in, I decided to investigate the amenities that the Palm-Aire had to offer and look what I found?  The open air lounge right next to the pool! What better way to celebrate arriving in Fort Lauderdale than borrow $10 from your teenage daughter to purchase  a Watermelon Mojito!

After unloading the car, I gave the girls 10 minutes to change into their swim suits. No lolly-gagging! The sun was waiting. Unpacking suitcases can wait until the sun goes down. While at the pool, I check my Facebook to see everyone back home complaining about their "Illinois Spring Break" which was being blanketed by several inches of snow. Samantha, who keeps showing more frequently that she does come from my gene pool, posted this on Facebook: 

Everyone needs to stop complaining about the snow, I have some real issues right now! This palm tree's shade is interrupting my tanning!

I'm pretty sure my comment about everyone hating us resulted in this post on my wall from my friend, Nate, the local law enforcement officer who also happens to plow snow as a side job: 

You have had a lot of posts about the weather....I would hate for you not to get to see snow with the rest of us and I happen to know a guy with a plow that could put enough snow in your drive way that it would still be there for you to enjoy when you return. That is all...enjoy your trip!!

So far about 25 people have liked Nate's post. I'm sure the number will continue to rise....especially after I posted the picture of my new Billabong sandals on the dash of our van with a beautiful blue sky in the background. 

Abby & Annelise enjoying sand between their toes

Around 5, we decided to wrap up our poolside adventure and go check out the beach before dinner. Have I mentioned that it was a high of 93 here today? Wait, everyone back home does not want to hear that? Ohh...I didn't realize. I thought you would actually be happy for me. Mawhahahahaha.

Jeff facebooking about his evil wife

While at the beach, instead of fully engaging with the beautiful gift of glorious sun and sand around us, Jeff decided he needed to clarify his position on the snow on our driveway: 

To all my friends back in the snow reading Carla Ironman Lebers obnoxious Facebook posts and thinking of retaliating, please keep in mind that I have not been rubbing it in from the pool all day!

 

What? Just because he does the snow shoveling he thinks he can throw me to the wolves? I will remember this! 

After a day of eating licorice, peanuts and Swedish fish, we were ready for a decent dinner; however, our youngest children are fairly picky eaters. We decided to go casual and eat at the Aruba Beach Cafe on a recommendation from the front desk staff at the Palm-Aire. A 30 minute wait for a table for 5 didn't seem unreasonable especially considering the restaurant is right on the ocean. The hostess handed me a Blue balloon with OCEAN scrawled on it while she explained that this is how they find us so DO NOT LOSE THE BALLOON.

Who thought it would be a good idea to give kids a balloon on a windy oceanfront? Do you realize how many people hate my 11-year old right now? The 30 minute wait turned in almost 60 minutes. I was almost ready to tell Jeff we should just go order a pizza and eat in the room when they came to find us. 

Blackened Seafood Trio

Unfortunately, we did not get to sit outside and enjoy the fresh ocean breeze, but sat inside. OK....no problem. Annelise asked if she could order the $30 filet mignon even though Jeff suggested she wait until we ate a steak house instead of a seafood cafe/bar. I ordered the Blackened Seafood trio. Samantha ordered the seafood stir-fry, Jeff the Aruba burger and Abby the chicken strips. I think it's fairly sad to say that the best food of the night looked like it was Abby's chicken strips. I think you can find my review on Trip Advisor later for the Aruba Beach Cafe at 2 stars. 

Day 1 is complete. We are getting ready to go to the beach now. Let's just see if I have the nerve to wear my new bikini.

Runner's Knee

Everyone faces injuries, right? I am just being tested and will come out on top, right?

Two weeks ago my half marathon training plan called for a 13 mile run. Since I hadn't run more than 8 miles since the Disney Wine & Dine Half Marathon last November, I knew 13 miles was not a smart idea. So instead I backed it off and ran 10 - 10 long miles on the treadmill. And while it felt good to get the miles done it was not without concern. Every time I tried to push my speed I wound up with a quick sharp pain in my knee. Hoping it was just a temporary issue I slowed down to finish my miles. (Have I mentioned that I'm goal oriented and I tend to follow a training plan quite well?)

For the next week, my knee didn't bother me. On Friday I went out for a 7 mile run around a local park. The fresh air felt great. I was trying to get my run done before my first class of the day. I started to charge up a hill and BOOM! Sharp pain. I did a little skip step & the pain went away. I continued on my run; however, every time I pushed up a hill my knee screamed at me. Sharp, quick and it was over. After my run, which got shortened to five miles by the way, I didn't have any pain at all. I shared my concern with runner friends and RICE was suggested. My doctor posted on my Facebook that if the pain continued I should come in for an MRI because I am so paranoid about an MCL or ACL tear bringing me down.

Rest seemed to be the order of the week. I continued to teach my classes without incident but stayed away from running. On Wednesday I took a full day of rest. No classes. No running. Just walking around the malls and stores to prepare for vacation. I even decided it was time to get new kicks.

New Kicks

On Thursday armed with my new running shoes I decided to just run 3 easy miles on the treadmill. I made sure to properly warm up with walking as well as dynamic stretches. I felt good....until about a half mile in. CLINK. I could almost feel my knee cap hitting against my thigh bone. Argh. Damn it!

I took a deep breath. Runner's knee? Really? Now? You've got to be kidding me.

I quickly added up my race entry fees: $75 for Indy half, $55 for Tremont Tri, $165 for Muncie 70.3, and $185 for the Chicago Marathon. A small fortune which could be thrown into the wind! Stop it! No negative thinking.

If required, I could just focus on my classes. I mean races are great but I'm not out to win. I recognize my limited abilities.

Then reality hit in my Zumba class Friday. Two separate times my knee cap shifted. It took my breath away and scared my class participants. They could see it in my eyes and hear it in my gasp of breath.

I am beside myself. I'm reading every article I can on runners knee. We left on vacation Friday and I iced my knee for te first hour. I'm hoping a couple of days of pure rest and my knee brace will help. We will see how my run goes on Monday. No running on the beach for me. No long runs. Just a lot of R&R and some short, easy runs paired up with a supportive knee brace.

Say a prayer for my sanity. Say a prayer for my knee. Say a prayer for everyone around me because if I don't get exercise soon, it will not be pretty.

The Smell of Nostalgia

Because my family is even more impatient than I am about starting a vacation (if you can believe that), and no one liked my idea of hitting the road at 5 am, we decided to start our family vacation today.

Changing our plans required the coordination of a logistics manager of a Fortune 500 company. My day was completely full between teaching Pump and Flow, running to Wal-Mart to purchase Les Mis for the 20 hour car ride and attending the middle school talent show where my rock star sang her little heart out.

Note: The talent show was well worth my highly unproductive afternoon. So many talented and brave kids who got up on that stage to showcase their blessings in performance. While waiting for my baby girl to perform, the school superintendent came through. Now keep in mind the super & his family are our normal travel companions. Unfortunately, they cannot vacation at spring break this year because their freshman daughter is playing high school softball. Needless to say, The super did not want to talk to me, to hear me gloat about putting my toes in the sand. Sadness... But I'm sure we'll soon have another vacation planned which will include them.

This year Jeff and I decided to take a different approach to spending money for the kids on vacation. We gave them each $100 and told them they could spend it as they wished but it needed to cover any tanning, pedicures, books, magazines, music or souvenirs for vacation. If they chose not to spend the money, it was theirs to keep and spend as they wished post-vacation. So far it's been an interesting experiment. Samantha decided she didn't need a pedicure. Abby decided she only needed one book but definitely wanted a pedicure before leaving. Annelise went to Barnes and Noble and SURPRISE spent nearly $60 there. Guess who is going to be very picky about any souvenirs?

So after school while I took Abby to get her pedicure, Samantha and Annelise ran Mozzy down to the kennel. Once home, I was on a mission to make sure everyone was packed and suitcases ready for Jeff to load up while I was teaching my final class, Zumba.

Thanks to all of our organization we were actually ready to hit the road by 6:30. Probably more because I threatened to not leave tonight and get up at 4 am if they didn't get their butts in gear.

We hit the road but of course no one had dinner prior to leaving. As we discussed places we could stop in Springfield, I mentioned Jolly Tamale. Man, you could have heard a pin drop for about 5 seconds. The girls all swore I told them Jolly Tamale had closed long ago which to them explained why we hadn't gone there in a couple of years. I, personally, think they just misunderstood me. JT closes every year during the state fair and I'm pretty sure they thought I meant permanently. Oops

After stopping to pick up carry out from Jolly Tamale, we got back in the car and Annelise said, "Do you smell that? That's the smell of nostalgia." Nostalgia for her? It's ancient history for me. I had lunch at Jolly Tamale just about every weekday from 1986-1988 while I attended Lincoln Land Community College.

And, yes, I still get the same thing every time. Sancho, no lettuce, medium sauce. Occasionally when I have someone to share with I'll also get an order of nachos. Yes, that is nostalgia. The sweet taste of cheap Mexican food which filled the belly of a poor college student.

So lets hear it for the smell - and taste - of nostalgia.